All that we could've been.

The most intense January, ever.

Between now and then,

We'll just continue to play pretence.

Just to convince ourselves that this isn't the end.

Maybe I might be the first to relent,

To put an end to these so called "plans".

I don't ask that you'll understand,

But only until then will we know what's truly meant.

Desperately clearing stuff in both my phone and mac,

 because my memory is ridiculously full.

(Only left with 8gb on my 250gb phone?!)

And I've absolutely no space on my mac to transfer my stuff out.

SIGH.

Looking back at all these things from years ago, 

and coming to realize how much people change.

How is it that the people who once mean the world to you,

 can reduce to people you no longer talk to anymore?

How is it that the people who used to bring you so much joy,

are the same people who caused so much pain?

How is it that people can claim to love you so much,

but yet not fight to keep you in their lives?

Were the reasons why they wanted you in their lives wrong to begin with?

Were you only there to serve a purpose, or perhaps to fill a void?

I get it, people come and go.

But I just don't get why it has to be that way.

Maybe our versions of love are now so transactional.

We no longer love simply because there's love.

We need a reason to love.

We love only when expectations and criteria are met.

And when they don't, or no longer do, we let go.

If only love was so much more.

If only we let love overcome whatever stood in the way.

And if only everyone loved the way you do.

(Myself included.)

I'm sorry I had to be the one who let go.

I still think about you.

I wonder if whatever I'm going through now was what you went through.

Has everything been made clear to you?

Are you happy now?

Was it all worthwhile?

It's funny (no, actually it isn't) how I always end up on the receiving end

of the same situations I go through.

My heart is so, so heavy.

And it sucks knowing that I'm alone in this.

Why does life seem to go on so naturally for you?

You feel so far away, but I know this won't be for long.

All of this will bring us closer than we ever were.

He will make a way.

You said we'd be fine if things turned out this way.

But maybe that was just another promise you can't keep.

I never thought I'd feel this way again.

And I never thought you'd be the reason. 

"Sorry for disappointing you"

You really should be.

You didn't even bother trying.

What a way to start the year.

But God will see me through, I know for sure.

"Be of good courage."