I never used to like reading. I remember how mummy used to bring me to the library when I was younger, and I'd avoid books that were too wordy. And even so, I don't ever remember completing a single book before the due date. Heh. But it's funny how I've developed this strong interest in reading now. 4 (legit) books in 6 weeks, and counting. (:
Currently reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. What a powerful read. I'm not even halfway through, but am already so amazed and inspired. It emphasizes on the law of attraction: everything that came, or is coming into your life is attracted by you. Every single thought, be it good or bad. The law of attraction doesn't compute "don't" or "no". As long as you possess thoughts of negation, even if you told yourself you don't want to have a bad day, you already are attracting a bad day, and you will most probably end up having a bad day. Your thoughts become things.
Looking back at all that has happened the past one year, I began reflecting on my thoughts, and how those thoughts turned into reality. I moved on from my previous break up telling myself how much I wanted a man I could count on, who'd accept all that I've been through, who'd love and respect me for who I am, who'd be sweet and funny and everything I was willing to give on the same level. He came true! There were occasional bumps along the way, but I'll always remember him as the man I always wanted, and more. Totally not exaggerating when I described him as the man who stepped out of a fairytale book in my birthday post. (':
Along the way I began to worry about our future. We envisioned so much together. But higher hopes come with greater fears of disappointment. I probably summoned the end of us. I don't understand how exactly, but I am convinced I did.
Then came religion. I was never a religious person, but over the past few months I've grown so eager to learn about Christ. With this aspect being made known to me as "the big reason" for the break up, people around me began to be skeptical about my eagerness to discover. Even I doubted myself. But everything fell into place without much effort on my end; it has to be a thought summoned by me. Speaking to Pastor on Saturday validated that. With all that was being said to me - how being with me was not getting right by God etc. - I had every reason to resent and blame God. But instead, it drew me closer to Him. Just as I was struggling to understand how I'll ever be introduced to the religion (I literally went to Google "how do non-christians become christians"), The Purpose Drive Life happened, Jolyn Kajie happened, church happened, everything just happened. If I didn't want this, why would all of these happen?
People's opinions used to bother me so much - how I'm using religion to salvage my relationship. It's not entirely baseless to think that way, because these people see how much the relationship truly meant to me, how I'm completely shattered from the break up. But with time, these people will also see how He truly has my heart, how He'll turn my trial into a triumph. I know He will. (: It still hurts like hell. But I'm embracing every bit of this struggle, for I believe that "He does his best work through seemingly hopeless situations". There's so much for me to learn and grow through this, and to learn and grow I will.
It's been so long since I last had such a lengthy post written. (And I surely wasn't expecting to.) But let this serve as a good reminder for me to never underestimate the power of the mind, for me to never lose sight of His greater plans for me, and for me to keep believing that all this pain that I'm feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming.
"As you learn The Secret, you will come to know how you can have, be, or do anything you want. You will come to know who you really are. You will come to know the true magnificence that awaits you in life."
p.s. I'm working towards having my very own book of quotes published on Amazon!
(Now that this is out here, I have no choice but to accomplish it. Heh.)