I've been pretty selective on how often I head out, and who I meet these days. Often times people would ask what am I doing now, of which I don't have an answer to. Or maybe I do, but it's probably not the answer that I should be giving.
Is it okay to not be doing anything, and simply trying to find my way in life? Why does it feel like I should have everything figured out? What does it even mean to have it all figured out?
After I stopped Petalfoo, I came across a quote from a book I read: "If you had all the money in the world, what would you be working as?" It hit me hard. We studied for almost 20 years of our lives, only to graduate and find a job. And we're to spend the next 50+ years of our lives working 8 hours (or more) a day, 5 days (or more) a week, before we retire. That's almost 75% of our life spent working. Is that all there is to life?
It isn't that I'm reluctant to find a job (well, I was completely okay driving Uber before Petalfoo just to sustain a decent income right?), but if I'm going to be exchanging my time for money, I'd want to be enjoying that time I'm spending. And right now, I just can't seem to find that one thing I'd enjoy doing.
I still aspire to lead a laptop lifestyle and build my income from there. I still believe money can be made without exchanging our time (and mental health) for it. But right now, I'm still figuring it all out, while battling the many voices that tell me otherwise - Instagram, friends, society, my bank account, etc.
So, what am I doing now? I'm trying.
p.s. Thank you husband, for being ever so supportive and patient with me. Thank you for believing in me even on days when I don't believe in myself. You are my absolute rock, and I honestly wouldn't know what I'd do without you. I love you.