It's not about the good times, but the bad. How you continue to love regardless of how angry and upset you both are in that very moment; to long for one another and want to heal in each other's embrace more than ever; to never let pride stand in your way; to be the first to apologize; to always find your way back to one another no matter what stood in the way.
It's about feeling that he is your other half who completes you. The one that got you saying "there's nothing more I want", or how "you're my perfect lover", and really mean it. You envision a future together, one that's so bright despite of all the uncertainties that stood in the way. It's stubbornly but lovingly saying "I don't care, you must be my partner" even when things get a little rocky. It's believing that there's nothing that both of you cannot iron out.
It's about making you feel like an entirely different person - bringing out the best version of yourself. It makes you want to love this person with all that you have, in ways you never thought you were capable of. You find yourself asking "why is it so different with you?". You feel absolutely comfortable being who you are, and never being afraid of revealing the most vulnerable side of you - the side that no one has ever seen.
It's about wanting to spend quality time with one another. You need not be doing anything fancy, or going on expensive dates. It's about feeling so contented just by being with one another. You'd sit in his passenger seat looking at him, and wonder what did you do to deserve someone like him. You'd lay in his arms in the cinemas but have your eyes fixed on him instead of watching the movie, because you want to cherish every single moment spent with him (and also because he told you that this real love that you both share means more than what you all see in the movies, and you wouldn't want to miss any part of your "movie" with him).
It's about never having enough of each other. You start to miss him the minute he leaves after sending you home. You have countless exchange of "I miss you" and "I can't wait to see you" until the next time you see one another. You fall asleep and wake up to one another over Skype as though you're in a long distance relationship. He'd go out of the way to pick you up wherever you are just to drop you home because he gets to see you. He'd stop by your place even after a long and tiresome day at work, just to see you for 5 minutes below your block. He'll call you and fall asleep on you, not because he cannot be bothered to talk to you, but because he still wants to talk to you even when he's completely drained.
It's about realizing that the both of you fight because you really love and care for one another. You're afraid of being misunderstood and you get defensive, because you truly only have so much love for one another, and you wouldn't want any of that to be diminished. You get anxious when he feels that he doesn't have all of you, because you want him to have the best and only the best of you that no one ever had. You get worked up over the things that she does not because you want to be possessive, but because you worry and you care for her. Even when your fights escalate to its peak and become so overwhelming, he showers you with a gentle "I love you" in the middle of it all. And that's not to avoid solving the problem, but because letting you know that he loves you matters more than anything in that very moment.
And when you truly love someone, all these memories stay with you even when he says "we can no longer be". No matter how much pain you're going through, how he never gave you a reason to move on, and how much you question why did he have to go, you'll still remember him for all the good times. You choose to stop finding out how he's doing, not because you've stopped caring, but because you're afraid to know how he's happy without you - the one whom he used to call "my world". You look back at your conversations before he left and wonder what really went wrong. You see him say things like "how are you okay when we've lost everything", and wonder what he'd say if you posed the same question to him at this very moment.
And then you go from a point of grappling with all these questions that's been left unanswered and trying to make sense of everything, to a point of accepting that maybe, he really is better off without you, and you learn to let go. You continue to feel the ache in your heart, and you feel like it's never going away, but you tell yourself it's okay. You start to embrace all the pain you're going through as a validation of how much you truly love him, and you find peace knowing you gave this man everything you had, which was everything he ever deserved.
True love doesn't happen at your convenience, nor should it be defined by all the good times you've shared in your relationship. In fact, it is only through your struggles, through losing him, will you realize how much he truly means to you. You continue to struggle with the fact that you've lost him, but because you truly love him, you want nothing but the best for him. It's not about what you no longer have, but what you can no longer give to him - and so you respect his decision, and you learn to let go. You seek comfort in all that he has given you, because even if this isn't the ending you wished for, everything else was more than you could ever ask for. You continue to pray for him and want the best for him, because that's how you continue (truly) loving him.
Falling apart doesn't necessarily mean falling out of love. Instead, you may start to realize how much you really love a person when you no longer have them by your side. And when you do, that person will forever be kept close to you, in the deepest of your heart.
Thank you for being the one I truly love.