Once Bitten, Never Again
2018 started out really rough. But I'm glad it did. Even if it took that much, I'd do the same all over again just to close that chapter of my life - the chapter that was never meant to be revisited.
2018 started out really rough. But I'm glad it did. Even if it took that much, I'd do the same all over again just to close that chapter of my life - the chapter that was never meant to be revisited.
You'd think people would cherish second chances, especially those that took a lot to come by. But no. Some people just don't. I'd say I wish I trusted my instincts, what's more the people who tried to talk me out of it right from the beginning. But love really is (was) blind. And the deeper you fall, the harder it'd be to make that decision to step out. Afterall, you already got this far. I can only say: "Never let an old flame burn you twice". While I'm not one to put it all out there to show how much of a struggle it was for me, people inevitably thought I was doing fine. I never once tried to explain myself, even when it happened for the first time 4 years ago. Being someone who cares too much about what the world thinks of me, that was a huge step back I chose to take. And that's when I started to realise that those who really really matter, really don't mind.
The world can say a thousand things behind your back. But at the end of the day, I can only say I was right. Right about my instincts. Right about leaving. Right about where all of this was going. This ain't no competition, but to the people who felt that tinge of sympathy or sadness for me, I can only say I've won.
I lost something that (I thought) meant the world to me. But God showed me otherwise. He gave me so much more than I could ever ask for in 2018.
He Takes Away and Gives
He put me in dance ministry and allowed me to continue serving Him through dance. Beyond all that opportunities to be on stage, go for my first ever platform worship, be part of celebrations in church throughout the year, He gave me a community I keep so close to my heart. Right here, I found some of the most genuine and loving people I know who constantly shower me with so much love and support during the trying times, the people who bring me closer to God.
I was introduced to BNI by a dear friend whom I'm ever thankful for. (Yes you, Gladys.) BNI is all about business and networking, but BNI Origins is all about business and family. These people taught me how important it is to never be alone in this entrepreneurship journey. I never once imagined myself running a business I'd call my own. But now, these people inspire me to keep going. Weekly meetings at 7:30am used to be a dread. (Okay, it still is sometimes.) Now, it feels like it has become a part of me, where I get to meet these new found friends of 2018 I love and care about so much on a weekly basis, to strive and pursue greater success together.
It is also through BNI that I met dyx. (Yes, that's how we met.) They say things happen when you least expect it to, that is so very true. After all that drama at the start of the year, I told God I just want to focus on my business for the rest of 2018. But at the same time, a dear friend told me about submitting this "checklist" of your ideal partner to God. I wasn't receptive to it at first. I felt like I shouldn't be demanding from God, and instead trust that He knows what's best for me. Yet, that idea lingered at the back of my mind. That "checklist" started piecing itself together in my own head, and wow I never knew I had that many expectations?! I told myself, "Okay, God is gonna take a while with this one."
"Ask and It will be Given to You."
I was wrong. What started as a business partnership when this nerd (hahaha) offered to run my website and SEO for me, turned into one of the best things I can ever ask for. There's his side of the story that's not for me to tell, but in all honesty, everything happened so unexpectedly. I never saw myself being with someone as nerdy as dyx, who doesn't do any sport, who talks too much rubbish (hahahaha), who is a decade older than me (okay he insists it's 9.5 years), etc etc. I prayed and asked God to safeguard this business partnership which I really wanted to work out for my business, and constantly rejected the idea of him being a potential partner whenever I was questioned by the best friend. But the more I tried to "find fault" with this guy, the more God proved that I was wrong about him. An emotional Instagram post of him missing his Dad sparked off our very first more intimate conversations - I could totally relate. I don't know how, or when, or why things happened, but it just did. We're so different, yet so so similar. Everything's aligned. And my checklist? All checked.
This nerd turned out to be the most loving, most patient, most understanding guy I've ever known. There were so many factors to consider, too many aspects to be concerned about. I don't know where I found the courage to take a shot at this, but I did. Dyx constantly makes me feel like we're a team, a team that can overcome anything and everything (still true to date). I began to appreciate all his "rubbish"; he went back into kayaking that he used to enjoy so much and clinched his 2 stars in just a few months; he signed himself up for a private ballroom dance class without knowing how much I long for a partner who'd be willing to learn dance with me; he lost so much weight in just a month without even trying hard to (God took my "I don't want to date a fat person anymore" very seriously hahaha); he truly loves me for who I am; the list goes on, but most importantly, he yearns for God.
To my DYX
It hasn't been an easy journey, but I wouldn't want to have it any other way. Many had doubts about this relationship, especially the people who love and care for me. Others who expressed their support said I'd be very doted on dating an older guy. I'm so glad that over the months, you've managed to ease the doubts and gain the trust of the people who matter most to me. And yes, I feel extremely loved (and sometimes spoiled) by you. Thank you for always wanting the best, and striving to be the best version of yourself for me.
2018 was a year of many firsts with lots of opportunities for us to grow as individuals, and as a team. I treasure all the happy moments shared, but I'm even more thankful for the trying times we've had. They were experiences that brought us closer than ever, testimonies of how our love can overcome anything and everything as long as we continue to choose one another. Thank you for being the living example of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, for showing me how very much bigger our hearts can be.
With you, I already know 2019 is going to be amazing. I can't wait for all our plans to unfold, and for both of us to excel in all that we set out to do. May we continue to grow - in our relationship, in our businesses, and in Christ.
Twenty Nineteen
A year of uncertainty awaits. But I'm excited to see what God has in store. 2018 was a year for me to be of good courage. 2019 is going to be a year where I learn to fully trust in God with all my heart.
Here's to making the best out of the upcoming year.